Unforgotten Fan Realms
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: A re-write of Unforgotten Fan-Realms. In a time where darkness hung out with the land, two guys, their pet rat, and a talking axe would become LEGEDNARY HEROES! Contains a special guest appearance by Samantha Manson as a gardening tool.
1. Episode 1: Obviously a Lawnmower

I present to you, loyal readers, a re-write of Unforgotten Fan-Realms. Only this time its one hundred and twenty-five percent better!

Also, for future reference whenever a certain character is narrating, you can tell who it is by these simple guidelines.

**Bold means Rob in narrating.**

**_Bold and italics means Mike is narrating._**

* * *

The dynamic duo better known as Mike and Rob were sitting inside the latter's basement. The table before them had a poorly drawn map of the "Unforgotten Realms" and four tiny figures that represented Eluamous, Sir Schmoopy, Jacque, and Petey. The two sat in absolute silence, crickets began to chirp in the background.

"So… what exactly are we doing?" Rob asked in an "I'm-bored-I-wanna-fight-a-dragon-or-ogre-or-kitchen-appliance-or-something-anything-but-this" tone. In response, Mike picked up a piece of paper labeled "script" and perused the first few lines.

"Hmm, it looks like we're doing some kind of Unforgotten-Fan-Realms-Fiction-Story-Thing." Mike set the paper down and started to arrange the game pieces.

"Uggh, Mike we just did an Unforgotten-Fan-Realms-cheese of the month club-whatever the heck you just said!" Rob whined.

"Well, we don't really have a say in matter, so let's just make the most of it. Besides, according to this script the new Unforgotten-Fan-Realms is new and improved!" This did little to cheer up his friend. "Okay. Eluamous Nailo and Sir Schmoopy of Awesometon-"

"Don't forget about Jacque and Petey!" Rob yelled while waving his arms for emphasis. Mike held back his growing frustration and continued.  
"Fine. Eluamous Nailo and Sir Schmoopy AND Jacque and Petey were camping in the mysterious Mystical Woods. This forest is known for the magical artifacts rumored to be hidden in its darkest groves."

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Eluamous emerged from the tent to stretch; he stifled a yawn upon seeing Sir Schmoopy hitting a large metal contraption with a hammer. "Eluamous asks Schmoopy: 'What the heck are you doing?'." Mike spoke.

"I'm building a wormhole generator." Schmoopy replied.

"There are no wormhole generators in Unforgotten Realms Rob!" Eluamous yelled angrily, going out of character.

"There is one now!" Rob retorted. "Done." Schmoopy announced. The "Totally Awesome Ninja Abraham Lincoln" began to scratch his beard. "Okay, either this wormhole generator will created a wormhole to another dimension OR destroy the known universe." Eluamous looked rather frightened after this comment.

"Uh, what exactly are the odds of it destroying the universe?" He asked nervously.

"I'd give it about 75/25. Seventy five being the chance of it destroying the universe of course, so it's plenty safe." The sorcerer smiled and then slammed the on button with his fist. The wormhole generator began to spark and his. A then a mysterious vortex appeared in its center. The air swirled and a horrific smell filled the air.  
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"Mike, you're not describing it well enough!" Rob complained.

"What do you mean? I think I've covered the situation pretty well."

"For starters, instead of saying 'and a horrific smell filled the air', say 'and the smell of your mom's cooking filled the air'!"

"SHUT UP JERKFACE!"

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Finally the portal ceased its bizarre actions and what appeared to be a vortex surrounded by glinting shards of light appeared.

"OH MY GOSH MIKE! It's an anomaly!" Schmoopy began cheering while Eluamous looked on in confusion.

"A what?" The master wizard in training asked.

"An anomaly! Like in Primeval." Schmoopy explained.

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"The movie about the giant crocodile?" Mike inquired, interrupting the game.

"No, not the stupid movie. I'm talking about the awesome TV show from Brit-brat-bria-England-land." Rob explained. "See it's like this. Okay, there are these scientist guys in a forest, and then all of sudden a big worm-time-black-hole-anomaly thing appears and a dinosaur comes out of it, and the scientists are all like 'OH MY FREAKING GOD IT'S A DINOSAUR!' and then the dinosaur is all like 'RAUGUGUGHGUGHGUROAR!' and then the all die! I think I might skipped a few parts though." As he explained this, Rob acted it out with various Unforgotten Realms game pieces.

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"So, essentially, a dinosaur is going to come out of that thing and eat us?" Eluamous asked.

"Hopefully! Except for the getting eaten part."

Just then a strange looking girl, about fourteen years old shot out of the anomaly. She had raven black hair pulled up into a ponytail, amethyst eyes and purple lip gloss. Her clothes consisted of a black tank top with a purple circle in the center, a short plaid skirt, purple stockings and combat boots.

"Hey, you're not a dinosaur! Hacker!" Schmoopy yelled.

"What, or who, is that?" Eluamous asked rather confused at what had just happened.

"Isn't it obvious?" Schmoopy replied.

"No. Not really."

"It's obviously a lawnmower."

"What?!" Schmoopy pointed at the girl.

"See, there's the handle-thingy." He explained while pointing to the Goth girl's ponytail. "And there are the grass-chopper-parts." Schmoopy then pointed to her mouth.

"It's not a lawnmower, idiot. It's a girl." Eluamous stated, getting very angry at Rob's stupidity. Said girl finally managed to stand up and brush herself off.  
"Where am I? Who the heck are you?" She asked, still dazed. Schmoopy's eyes widened.

"WE'RE UNDER ATTACK...AGAIN!" Quickly Schmoopy whipped Jacque out from his backpack. "Jacque, attack!"

"Oui, Oui, mon ami." Jacque began to glow bright blue, charging up his most powerful ability that Rob had just made up a few minutes ago. Knowing something terrible was about to happen, Eluamous began to pray and Petey covered his eyes with his paws. Then, there was the explosion to end all explosions!

Finally the dust settled and our heroes looked around. All they saw for miles was desolate wasteland.

"ROB! WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Mike yelled furiously.

"I didn't do anything. It was Jacque. He used his atomic blast attack!" Schmoopy pointed to said axe.

"Well, good job Jacque. YOU DESTROYED THE ENTIRE FOREST! Now let's get out of here before the radiation kills us." Eluamous was at his breaking point now.

"Relax Elumouse… Eluminaous… Eldorado… Elyoumayus… Mike! I've got a resistance to radiation of-"

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In the real world Rob began rifling through his character sheet and whatever else was on the table in an attempt to find his radiation resistance stat.

"There's no resistance to radiation moron." Mike replied.

"No resistance to radiation? That's Bullsh-"

"SHUT UP! Let's just continue this stupid campaign."

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Back in the game the four heroes started to walk in the direction which seemed to be the least "devastated by the atomic blast.

"Wait! I wanna take the lawnmower." Schmoopy said while motioning to the unconscious girl.

"For the last time it's not a lawnmower it's a girl!" Eluamous screamed. "And why would you want a lawnmower anyway?"

"Well one, maybe in the dimension it came from, lawnmowers look like girls! Did you ever think of that Mike? Huh? Did you?" Eluamous face palmed. "And two, now I can mow my lawn wherever I go!"

"We're traveling adventures, you even have a lawn."

"Then I'll just the lawn around me!" Schmoopy smiled at his cleverness.

"What lawn? I don't see any lawn, your stupid axe over there blew up all the lawn!"

"Hey! I have feelings too, mon ami!" Jacque quipped.

"Fine! If you want to carry that GIRL around in your inventory I'm not going to stop you." Eluamous said through clenched teeth. Just then two strange looking men with shirts that said "EPA" ran up to them.

"Environmental Protection Agency?" Eluamous asked, wondering why they of all people would appear.

"And you say I'm an idiot. Mike, everyone knows EPA stands for Enforcers of the Protection of Amish. Obviously the lawnmower belongs to Amish people and they've come to collect it."

"No Rob, I'm one-hundred percent certain it's Environmental Protection Agency." The two EPA officials finally reached our heroes.

"STOP! ENFORCERS OF THE PROTECTION OF AMISH!" One yelled.

"Told you." Schmoopy told his companion.

"I hate you. So. Much."

_**Will our heroes be able to get out of the forest before the radiation kills them? What do the Enforcers of the Protection of Amish want from Sir Schmoopy? Find out next time on UNFORGOTTEN FAN-REAMLS!**_


	2. Episode 2: Law and Disorder

**Last time on Unforgotten Fan-Realms, the mighty Lumberjack Sir Schmoopy had just found a totally awesome lawnmower. But then my stupid friend Mike was all like "lololol taht iz noat a lawnmozer, taht iz a girlz lolololol I iz teh g4y!" **

"Rob!" Mike yelled at his friend obviously due to Rob's rather impolite partial of him.

"Shut up Mike, it's my turn to narrate!" Rob replied.

**Anyway, so then Jacque used his atomic blast attack and destroyed the whole forest. Now these guys from the EPA are here and I think they want the lawnmower. But there's no chance in heck I'm giving it to them.**

"When we last left our heroes, they had just been approached by two officers from a mysterious organization known as the Enforcers of the Protection of Amish." Mike began in his more realistic than and not as funny as Rob's narrative.

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"Hand over the lawn mower, criminals." The EPA officer demanded to our heroes.

"Over my hit point-less body!" Schmoopy yelled back while pulling out his nun-chucks.

"Let's just do what the officers say Schmoopy, we don't want to get arrested yet again." Eluamous warned his companion.

"I wanna cast a spell." The sorcerer stated. Eluamous stared at him in disbelief.

"What part of "let's get arrested again" do you not understand!?" He yelled angrily.

"I CAST FLARE!" Schmoopy shouted as a bolt of light flew from his hands at hit one of the officers in the face. His wizard ally face-palmed as the other EPA officer walked up to them.

"Well, well, well. You just authorized me to deadly force!" The officer exclaimed.

"God, idiot." Was Eluamous's only comment, obviously directed at Rob.

"Relax Mike. It's four against one, we've got this." The officer raised his hand and from behind the various tree stumps that were all of that was left of the Blook Woods, hundreds upon hundreds of EPA guards emerged.

"Oh crud." Schmoopy said. Jacque floated up to him as the legions of EPA officers surrounded them.

"Don't worry mon ami. I'm sure there will be no harmful repercussions to your rash actions."

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"Unnggh!" Rob moaned while clutching his stomach.

"Rob! Are you okay?"

"I had a huge breakfast burrito and it's not agreeing with me!" Rob stood up and ran towards the bathroom. "By the way Mike, we're out of toilet paper! Can I use your limited edition Unforgotten Realms Dungeon Master Book instead?"

"ROB! NO DON'T YOU USE MY BOOK AS BATHROOM TISSUE!" Mike screeched and started to go up the stairs.

"Wait a second, bathroom tissue?" Rob yelled back from the bathroom.

"Yeah, it's the politically correct word for toilet paper." Mike explained.

"Who the heck would call toilet paper 'bathroom tissue'?"

"Just give me back my book, Rob." Mike left the basement to retrieve his precious guide book, leaving the basement empty, or so the two high-school-ers thought…

From beneath the table emerged a small boy with blond hair, glasses, and a pink fanny-pack.

"Well, well, well. It seems out so called 'heroes' have fallen straight into the trap of… TIMMY THE EVIL!"

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"Isn't that right, Professor Walrus?" Timmy's Unforgotten Realms persona queried. The dashing pinniped in question stared blankly at his evil master.

"I have no idea what's going on." Professor Walrus complained, shaking his flippers for emphasis.

"Haha, silly me. Of course you wouldn't dear professor. My evil plan is simply too ingeniously evil for anyone to understand without an in-depth explanation spanning several chapters and huge lines of text which will make the readers type in the largest font possible 'tl;dr'!" Timmy the Evil then began to cackle maniacally at his evil-ness.

"Yeah, how about the condensed version?" The evil mastermind sighed.

"Fine. As you are well aware, our heroes have just been arrested by the EPA for destroying the Blook Woods."

"Gahh! You mean to say the entire plot of this chapter and the previous one was your creation?" Professor Walrus asked in disbelief.

"Indeed. This morning, I managed to hypnotize Rob and by utilizing a certain code word, I have orchestrated this entire fan fiction. Mwahahaha!"

------------Flashback------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rob walked down towards the basement, noticing his little brother watching him with an almost insane glee.

"Hey, Timmy." Rob waved and kept walking.

"Pocahontas ." With that uttering of the single word, Rob's eyes glazed over and he began to chant in a zombie like trance.

"Must cause Mike and I to get arrested in Unforgotten Realms so we will be sent on a dangerous quest to retrieve an artifact of great power…"

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"But Timmy, how does this cause anything evil to occur? It sounds like your only making their campaign more interesting, meaning that your… _helping_… them." Professor Walrus asked in disbelief.

"This is but the first step of my master, eeeevil plan, professor." Timmy returned to laughing evily.

"So… Are you going to tell me the next step of this 'evil plan'?"

"All in good time Professor Walrus. Besides if I told you now then the readers wouldn't be motivated to find it out next chapter."

"Can't you just whisper it in my ear or something?" Timmy the Evil sighed in defeat.

"Alright, fine." He cupped his evil gloved hand over his mouth and began to whisper his insidious plot to our favorite walrus.

"What? Really? MY GOD TIMMY! THAT'S. SO. EVIL! It's so bad that the reader's can't hear this, they'd be wetting themselves in fear from such evil! Oh my! SO MUCH EVIL!" Timmy finished whispering and the two broke in evil laughs of evil.

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"Mwahahahahaha-hahaha-haha-ha…" Timmy's laughing ceased as he noticed Mike and Rob staring at him. "Umm, hi guys… AAAH!" The child darted out of the basement before Rob could 'cast a punch to his face'. Before his brother could finish what had not yet begun, Mike stopped him.

"Let him go Rob, he's just a boy."

"Yeah, a boy who's about to get murdered… and killed!" Rob bolted past his friend and ran up the stairs. Mike sighed and listened to the sounds coming from upstairs.

"I'm gonna kill you Timmy! Kill you to death!"

"No not the face!"  
"Sabotage this, 'Timmy the Evil'!"

"MOM! ROB'S TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Play nice you two!"

"Okay Timmy. I'll play nice with you… IN HECK!"

"Owowowowow!" Rob then came down into the basement. He leaned on the table to catch his breath and then looked up at Mike.

"So… where were we?"

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"Guilty!" Mr. Judge yelled while slamming his gavel.

"Rats." Eluamous and Sir Schmoopy said in unison. They, along with Jacque and Petey were standing in the middle of the courtroom. Mr. Judge of course sat on his judge podium thingy, and "the lawnmower" was sitting on a table with a piece of paper with "evidence" written on it in red marker taped to her mouth.

"Wait. How can we be guilty? You don't even know the charges." Eluamous told the Judge. He looked at them thoughtfully for a moment.

"Hmm, good point. What are the charges?" He asked the EPA officer.

"These lumberjacks are believed to have stolen an Amish lawnmower!" The officer answered. Mr. Judge looked at the evidence. A puzzled expression came across his face.

"What? That's not a lawnmower!" Eluamous did a silent cheer now that someone finally had some sense in the game. "It's obviously a weed whacker!" The wizard's jaw nearly hit the floor from the shock.

"Of course! How could I have been so stupid?" Sir Schmoopy said to himself. His sidekick was busy tearing his hair out in frustration. Mr. Judge looked to be on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry to say this. But *sniff* not guilty! That is clearly not a lawnmower." Schmoopy looked confused.

"Huh? I thought we were on trial for destroying the Blook Woods?" The Judge's face lit up in shock.

"You destroyed the Blook Woods? GUILTY!"

**What punishment will Mr. Judge inflict upon our heroes? Does the weed whacker have a bigger role to play in this story? **"Speaking of the weed whacker, where'd she go?" Schmoopy asked while pointing to the now empty evidence table. **Why do I always ask these questions? Find out next time on Unforgotten Fan-Realms!**


	3. Episode 3: IT'S SLOWLY COMING THIS WAY!

For those wondering, the Gelatinous Cube is a real Dungeons and Dragons monster, and yes, it's just as stupid.

* * *

**When we last left our heroes:**

Eluamous, Schmoopy, Jacque and Petey were surrounded by legions of pirates. One after another the fell before the heroes with cries of "Arrgh!" and "Yarr!" Schmoopy's nun-chucks connected with a pirate's head, while a fire ball shot by Eluamous set the captain on fire, and Petey attempted to claw the first mate's eyes out.

"It's no use Eluamous. There are just too many!" Schmoopy said. And it was true, for every pirate who fell; two more seemed to replace them.  
"One moment mon ami, Jacque is having an idea..." The axe began to glow bright blue, while Eluamous and Schmoopy looked on in awe. Lighting arced from the axe and the remaining pirates cowered on the floor. Then from out of nowhere, Mike's head appeared and the scene paused.

"THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" He screamed furiously at Rob. Rob simply frowned and raised his finger in a "matter of fact" gesture.

"It's my turn to narrate Mike, so I say can whatever I want to happen." Mike scowled and glared at his "friend".

"THAT'S IT! You just lost your privilege to recap what happened last time."

**_When we last left our heroes FOR REAL. Eluamous and Schmoopy had just been declared guilty for the destruction of the Mystical Woods. Also, the mysterious girl-_** "It's not a girl Mike, it's a weed whacker." Rob countered." **_SHUT UP ROB!_**

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"ChillinOut!" The judge cried from his podium. A blue vapor rose up in the center of the room, it began to swirl and compact until finally it dissipated, revealing a cloaked figure. "I need to you to show the lumberjacks their cell while I figure out what the best way to execute them is." The figure, whose name was apparently ChillinOut, nodded in response before walking up to the terrified heroes.

"Hello, my name is ChillinOut and I'll be your tour guide through the Costwell County Jail!" She spoke in a stereotypical tour-guide voice. ChillinOut ushered Eluamous, Schmoopy, Jacque and Petey towards a long line of prison cells. They were old, moldy and looked as though they had not been cleaned in a very long time if not ever-

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"Mike, stop describing the stupid jail and get to the good part!" Rob complained, obviously bored.

"Fine you idiot."

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"And here's where you guys will be staying." ChillinOut motioned to a mold covered cell, with several skeletons lying on the floor, bed and toilet. "It's the Death Suite!" She announced. Schmoopy raised his hand. "Yes?"  
"Um, we're gonna be out of here before shower time right? Because there's no way I'm going in the same shower as Mike."

"Oh shut up Rob!" Eluamous yelled in retort. His sorcerer companion's eyes lit up.

"Hey ChillinOut…"

"Yes?"

"You're a big Unforgotten Realms fan right?"

"Right."

"And you wouldn't want to have us die right?"

"Right." Eluamous was begging to catch on to Schmoopy's plan.

"So you'll help us escape right?" He asked.

"Well, I would, but I'm just an ooooptical illuuuuuuuuusion!" ChillinOut slowly faded from existence upon these words.

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Dead silence…

"What?"

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All of a sudden, screams erupted from the Cotswell County Jail! Our heroes looked around and saw most, if not all, of the guards running for their lives. Schmoopy ran up and stopped one guard.

"What the Sam Hill is going on?" He asked one of the guards. The terrified soldier only stared at Schmoopy while the sound of him voiding his bowels filled the room.

"IT'S SLOWLY COMING THIS WAY!" The guard yelled before knocking Schmoopy over and running to safety. Then the aggressor made its appearance. The… um… thing… the guards had been running from was a massive translucent green cube.

"What. The. Heck." Was Sir Schmoopy's only comment. Eluamous gasped in recognition of the bizarre creature.

"Oh no. It's a gelatinous cube!" The wizard exclaimed. His companion only sighed in relief.

"Oh, thank goodness. I'm starved." Schmoopy pulled out a fork and a knife from his inventory.

"You can't eat that thing you imbecile!"

"What? I thought you said it was a jello-latinous cube?" Eluamous face-palmed.

"_Gel_atinous! These horrific creatures are commonly found in dungeons such as this one, they're highly acidic. Just a single touch will dissolve your flesh." He then motioned to several skeletons (and pieces of armor from an unfortunate guard) floating inside the cube.

"Wait. So I can or cannot eat the cube?" Schmoopy asked.

"Sure go ahead and eat it, if you want your insides dissolved." Eluamous retorted.

"Then how about we just walk around it?"

"Are you blind Schmoopy? The cube takes up the entire perfectly square hallway."

"You'd think that if there's always a danger of cubes like this appearing in hallways, people wouldn't make them perfectly square shaped." Schmoopy commented.

"He's got a point, mon ami." Jacque added.

"So if we can't eat it. And we can't walk around it. How do we stop this thing?" Schmoopy glanced at Eluamous, who had a look of grim determination on his face.

"We'll have to battle. Magic Missile!"

Eluamous Nailo's magic missile hits Gelatinous Cube for 4 damage.

"I cast flare!" Schmoopy yelled while firing a bolt of bright blue light.

Sir Schmoopy's flare is absorbed by Gelatinous Cube.

"Schmoopy, you can't hurt something by blinding it if it doesn't have eyes." Eluamous explained.

"I cast flare!"

Sir Schmoopy's flare is absorbed by Gelatinous Cube.

"I JUST EXPLAINED THAT FLARE DOESN'T WORK!"

"Shut up Mike! I know darn-well what I'm doing!" The sorcerer raised his arms up and began to channel an even more powerful spell. "DOUBLE-FLARE!"

Sir Schmoopy's double-flare is absorbed by Gelatinous Cube.

"Flare!"

Sir Schmoopy's flare is absorbed by Gelatinous Cube.

"Rob your just wasting your mana."

"Not exactly. Look at the cube." Schmoopy motioned to the terrible creature. It looked almost, swollen now.

"Oh. I get it! Every time it absorbs your flare, the spell itself becomes stuck inside it!"

"Exactly Eluamous Nailo. All I have to do is keep casting flare until this son-of-a-quadrilateral bursts!" Schmoopy fired off another flare.

-----Insert Montage of Schmoopy Casting Flare at the Cube-------------------------------------------------------------

"It's close to bursting Schmoopy we gotta get out of here!" Eluamous cried, knowing that the imminent rain of gelatinous stuff would still dissolve them.

"Just one more flare…" Schmoopy prepared to cast his final spell.

"No! You won't be able to escape in time." The wizard cried from the safety of one of the cells.

"By… fire… be… purged!" A massive explosion rocked the Cotswell County Jail as gelatinous goop flew everywhere.

**With Sir Schmoopy either dead or dissolved into a puddle of goo, will our heroes be able to go on a super cool adventure? What punishment will Mr. Judge inflict upon Eluamous Nailo and Sir Schmoopy if he's still alive? And where is the weed whacker? Here's a hint: she's probably not coming back anytime soon. Find out next on Unforgotten Fan-Realms!**


	4. At Least he's still got his Charisma

**Last Time, on Unforgotten Fan-Realms some crazy stuff went down. First we got taken to our cell, and an optical illusion was there, and then spent the rest of the chapter fighting a giant jello-cube.**

Darkness. Nothing but darkness, until Schmoopy's eyes slowly opened.

"Uggh, where I am?" The dwarf clutched his aching head and looked around, seeing that the Cotswell County Jail was now covered in green slime. Schmoopy then looked up and noticed Eluamous, Jacque and Petey standing (or in Jacque's case, hovering) over him.

"You're lucky to be alive Schmoopy, if it hadn't been for that fortitude save you would've been a goner." Eluamous explained. Schmoopy rubbed his gloved hands over his eyes to clear his vision and noticed that his companion was no longer wearing his red wizard robe. Instead Eluamous was now wearing a black robe with white flames on the bottom, a silver monocle, and a pipe.

"What the heck are you wearing?" The sorcerer asked.

"Oh these. I found some skeletons in the cell with this gear. It might be old fashioned, but it's a pretty big upgrade to what I was wearing before." Eluamous then pulled the hood of the robe down and struck a heroic pose, which only served to make him look silly. Schmoopy sat up and scratched his head only to notice something terrible. The dwarf gasped in shock.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BEARD?!" Tears formed in the sorcerer's eyes upon the realization that his "manly girl-magnet of a beard" was gone.

"It was dissolved by stray glob of acid from the cube's explosion." Eluamous explained. The wizard then motioned towards a skeleton lying in a nearby jail cell. It had tuxedo and matching hat on and also had a very long and curly black mustache attached to what must once have been its upper lip. "Your armor pretty much ruined so I suggest those."

"Fine, but only if you don't peak!"

"Why would I?"

"Oh I think you know why…"

"Can't we have a chapter without a "Mike is g4y" joke? Just this once?" Eluamous pleaded.

"No dice, mon ami." Jacque quipped back. Schmoopy then emerged from the cell, now wearing the tuxedo and tuxedo hat… and the mustache.

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"Rob that's just disgusting!" Mike exclaimed. "Why would you even want to attach a dead man's mustache to your upper lip?"

"Well he wasn't using it." To Rob this explanation made far too much sense to require any elaboration.

As the two began to argue over the ethics of attaching a dead person's facial hair to one's face, neither noticed a small hole had been drilled into the ceiling, and that young boy was staring through it…

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Timmy lifted his head up from the peep-hole he had created and stared upon his makeshift Unforgotten Realms game board. His Professor Walrus plush toy and an action figure representing Timmy the Evil stood upon it. The younger sibling of Rob picked the two figures up and began to talk through them.

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Timmy the Evil slammed his fist into a desk and let a furious roar. "CURSES! The heroes are deviating from my evil plan!" Professor Walrus sighed.

"Why can't you just tell the reader's your plan already instead of constantly alluding to it but never actually saying what it is?"

"I'm not telling them because then it will build their anticipation for the next chapter when I do reveal it!"

"You already used that excuse in chapter two." The pinniped smirked at Timmy.

"Shut up Professor Walrus or I shall not give that raise you've been asking about!"

"So…" The walrus in question began in an attempt to change the subject. "How are you going to get the heroes back on track to fulfilling your evil plan?" Now it was Timmy's turn to smirk, which of course Professor Walrus could not see due to his master's helmet.

"Glad you asked, dear Professor. You see I had anticipated something like this happening. So I have created the EVILIEST of minions to remedy the situation. BEHOLD: Gorshalok, King of the Wendigo." Timmy the Evil pointed towards an image of a massive gorilla like beast with banana-sized fangs and spiraled horns jutting from its forehead.

"My God Timmy! That's. So. Eviiiiiiiil!" And the two burst into their maniacal laughs.

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"SHUT THE F%K UP TIMMY, MOMMIE'S TRYING TO WATCH HER SHOWS!"

"Sorry Mom!" Timmy yelled back.

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Meanwhile in the Costwell County Jail, the four brave heroes continued their trek to find an exit. Unfortunately, the Gelatinous Cube's acid had caused door to fuse to the wall surrounding it, forcing the adventurers to look for another way out.

"Look out!" Eluamous suddenly yelled. Sir Schmoopy, Jacque and Petey looked around and saw nothing worthy of the wizard's terrified exclamation.

"What? I don't see anything." Eluamous then pointed towards a pedestal, atop which sat a small jar with a long-dead brain floating inside of it.

"It's a brain-in-a-jar! A fearsome and dangerous opponent." The wizard explained. Sir Schmoopy walked up to the pedestal, despite the constant warnings of his companion, and looked intensely at it for several seconds. Finally the sorcerer sighed and stared at Eluamous.

"What the heck is the place Mike? "The Dungeon of Stupid Trash Mob Rejects Who Were Too Lame to Be a Real Dungeon"?" Schmoopy complained. "This is so stupid." He then walked up to the jar.

"Schmoopy no! Don't!" Eluamous cried.

"Oh look, a stupid brain in a stupid jar, I'm soooo scared-HIYAH!" The dwarf whipped out his nun-chucks and knocked the jar off of its pedestal. The jar shattered on stone floor and the brain inside flopped out. "See Mike, it's just a stupid dumb, lame, dead, brain… stupid." Schmoopy's gloating was interrupted by ear-shattering roar erupting through the prison. "That, on the other hand is not dumb, lame, dead or stupid."

"Plan C?" Eluamous suggested.

"Plan C." Schmoopy agreed. "RUN FOR THE HILLS!"

**With our heroes trapped in the Cotswell County Jail, will the story ever return to its original plot or will I keep adding all these random plot devices? What is Timmy the Evil's evil plan anyway? And how will Gorshalok, King of the Wendigos aid him in said evil plot? Find out next time on, Unforgotten Fan-Realms!**


	5. Episode 5: The One with a Big Battle

Unforgotten Fan-Realms Chapter 5: The One with a Big Battle

**Last time on a very special chapter of Unforgotten Fan-Realms, and I by special I mean, the last one for what, half a year… uh, anyway last time Mike and I got some sweet new gear and I killed a brain with my nun-chucks.**

"When we last left our heroes, they were running for their lives from… something which appeared to have been agitated by a certain _someone's _killing a brain in a jar." Eluamous narrated while sprinting through the halls of the Cotswell County Jail with Schmoopy, Jacque and Petey in tow. They reached a section of the dungeon where a second hall branched out. Suddenly Sir Schmoopy screeched to a halt and motioned for the others to do the same.

"Wait! Do you hear that?" The sorcerer asked, his comrades listened intently finally noticing what appeared to be the sounds of several individuals in heated combat. Eluamous gasped.

"Oh my gosh, Schmoopy. That sounds like some fellow adventures in trouble! We have to help them!" The four heroes peeked around a corner to see two people, one a half-elf wielding an enchanted bow and a blue kobold dressed like Solid Snake, locked in combat with a massive white furred beast.

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"Rob that's ridiculous." Mike complained to his friend. "Why the heck would the kobold be dressed like Solid Snake?" Rob only shrugged.

"Hey I didn't design him. He's just a shameless cameo of a guy who isn't even on these forums anymore."

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The half-elf fired a flaming arrow towards the monster, which struck directly in the creature's forehead.

CriticalQuit's flame arrow hits Gorshalok, King of the Wendigo for 10 damage (+1 damage per second for 5 seconds).

Gorshalok, King of the Wendigo flees from battle.

As the great beast rumbled down the hall, the two new adventures caught their breath, and then the kobold motioned towards our heroes. Schmoopy, Eluamous, Jacque and Petey nervously stepped forward.

"Greetings fellow adventures," Eluamous began. "I am the mighty wizard Eluamous Nailo-"

"You're not a wizard Mike since you don't have a mono- oh wait you do now, never mind." His comrade interrupted.

"And that's my partner Sir Schmoopy of Awesometon." The half-elf and kobold stepped forward and began to introduce themselves.

"My name Jeff K. Kobold and I'm a sorcerer." Said the blue kobold.

"I'm CriticalQuit, arcane archer and world renowned hero." Added the half-elf.

"World renowned? I've never heard of either of you." Schmoopy commented, CriticalQuit sighed.

"Well, soon to be world renowned, once Jeff and I defeat the mighty Gorshalok, King of the Wendigo." Jeff walked up to Schmoopy and Eluamous until he was only a few inches away from them.

"Kobold!" Exclaimed Jeff.

"What my comrade means, is what are you guys doing here?" Critical translated.

"You speak kobold?" Eluamous asked in shock, he'd never heard of a non-kobold learning their language.

"Nah, he probably said something completely different. I just like messing with people…" The arcane archer was interrupted as a blood-curdling roar resounded through the hall.

"Oh kobold, he's coming back!" Swore Jeff as Gorshalok bounded up to our heroes, ready for round two. Gorshalok resembled a massive albino gorilla with two fangs jutting from his lower jaw, and ram-like horns on the side of his head.

"WHO SMASH GORSHALOK PET BRAIN?" Bellowed the horrific creature, Eluamous, Jacque and Petey glared at their flare-casting ally then pointed towards him. Gorshalok glared down at Sir Schmoopy and let loose another roar. "GORSHALOK WILL MAKE YOU INTO WAFFLE IRON!"

"Now it we have anything to say about it!" CriticalQuit prepared to fire another arrow while Jeff started to cast a spell. Schmoopy however, had a better idea. He ran up to CriticalQuit and threw the confused half-elf into the waiting maw of Gorshalok. Jeff and Eluamous stared at him in shock.

"What. It's a sound plan. Wendigos hate the taste of whatever CriticalQuit was. It's common knowledge." Sir Schmoopy explained before returning his gaze to Gorshalok, who did in fact seem to be getting ill.

"HE TASTE LIKE PICKLE FEET!" The wendigo's cheeks began to swell with vomit aimed directly at the sorcerer who fed him this disgusting half-elf. Gorshalok began to upchuck, spraying his highly acidic stomach acid directly at Schmoopy. Before he could nearly be dissolved once again, our hero grabbed Jeff and used the unfortunate kobold as a meat shield to deflect the projectile vomit. Having emptied his stomach, Gorshalok stumbled around, then collapsed with his massive head creating a sizable hole in the wall.

Schmoopy set Jeff down and went to congratulate him, only to realize the kobold's entire front half had been dissolved by stomach acid. "Uh… woops." Was his only comment, he turned to Eluamous who was frozen in shock from what had just happened. "Let's go now…" He grabbed the wizard's arm and pulled Eluamous through the hole created by Gorshalok, followed by Petey and Jacque.

**With our heroes having escaped from the Cotswell County Jail, what crazy adventure will they go on next? And what will Mr. Judge do when he discovers that his prisoners have escaped? And I can't think of a third question. Find out next time on, Unforgotten Fan-Realms!**


	6. Episode 6: Enter the Paladin

Unforgotten Fan-Realms Chapter Six: Enter the Paladin

**The following chapter will not have Sir Schmoopy or Eluamous Nailo in it because the last chapter had them in it and… it sucked. So we're introducing some NEW CHARACTERS to the plot! Woo! Yeah…**

Mr. Judge slammed his gavel down in frustration. "Where the heck are those lumberjacks?" He asked to no one in particular. A terrified guard ran into the courtroom and stopped in front of the judge's podium. "Ah Kendrick there you are. Have you brought the lumberjacks for their execution?" Kendrick looked down and shuffled his foot.

"Well sir, a gelatinous cube attacked and in the chaos they… well… they escaped." Mr. Judge's face contorted and smoke began to emit from the place where his ears would be if Unforgotten Realms characters were drawn to have any.

"Those were dangerous criminals who destroyed an entire forest in a matter of seconds! We can't just let them go run around all willy-nilly!" The greatest figure of authority in Cotswell explained. "You've failed me Kendrick; I'll have to call in the Special Forces." He reached for a nearby microphone. "Roamin you're wanted in here at once. And before you ask, no I don't want to go bowling."

Mr. Judge looked towards a door leading into the courtroom when the wall next to it collapsed in an explosion. A muscular dwarf in bright red armor with an Egyptian holy symbol on it walked forward. "Yo! What's da update judgy?" He asked.

"What?"

"You'll have to excuse Roamin," Announced a much smaller half-dwarf-half-elephant wearing bard clothes despite being a druid. "He's been watching _Break-dance 2: Electric Boogaloo_ all day and now I can't get him to stop talking like some retarded teenager from the eighties."

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa… whoa! Don't be getting all up in mah' grill G!" Ordered Roamin to his high impaired sidekick.

"Roamin for the love of God please stop talking like that." Gaary pleaded.

"Fine." Mr. Judge cleared his throat to remind the two that he was there.

"Anyways, I need you to track down some escaped convicts who blew up an entire forest!" Gaary gasped in shock.

"No! Where will I get my raspberries now?" Ignoring his sidekick, Roamin puffed out his chest and tried to look as heroic as possible for the judge.

"Don't worry Mr. Judge me and Gaary are on the case." The crime-solving duo left through the massive hole they had created while Mr. Judge wondered why they never used the door.

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"Rob, I've been meaning to ask you." Mike began, interrupting the game. "Why did you put Sam from _Danny Phantom_ in chapter one?"

"Huh? I didn't put her in any chapter!" Rob answered, completely dumbfounded.

"Yeah you did. The weed whacker was obviously her."

"No it wasn't. That was supposed to be Jane Goodall." Mike just stared at him. "You know the lady with chimpanzees or something."

"I know who Jane Goodall is you idiot. But that looked nothing like her! It looked like Sam from _Danny Phantom_." Rob scratched his head.

"Well, I wasn't really paying attention in class that day since I was busy thinking about how totally awesome it would be if instead of taking a bus to school people would use jetpacks." He explained. Mike face palmed.

"Let's just get back to the game."

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Roamin and Gaary were walking through a field with the kingdom of Cotswell on the horizon behind them. "Gaary, I've been thinking. If we're gonna catch these dangerous criminals we're gonna need some help."

"What do you supposed we do about it?" Gaary asked while kicking a small rock out of his path. Roamin stared and the rock and then ran towards it.

"That's it!" He exclaimed while picking the stone up. "You can be my new sidekick little guy."

"Roamin…" Gaary sighed, annoyed with the Crime-Solving Rank 11 paladin's stupidity.

"Oh my gosh Gaary this rock can speak, and it knows my name!" Roamin cried in shock, believing that Gaary's voice had come from the rock. "I'm gonna name you Don; Don Quixote."

"Roamin you are by far, the stupidest person I have ever met. And I've met A LOT of stupid people." Gaary remarked though once again Roamin believed his voice to be coming from "Don Quixote".

"Hahah. Don you're such a kidder. And I love that impersonation you do of Gaary. You sound just like him little guy!" Gaary sighed.

"This is going to be a loooong case."

**With Roamin and Gaary having set off to capture Schmoopy and Nailo, will our heroes be able to escape their grasp? Why did I bring up the weed whacker, could be she returning soon? And what mysteries could this new sidekick Don Quixote hold for Roamin and Gaary? Find out next time on: Unforgotten Fan-Realms!**


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